Gone
by Helike
Summary: People come and go... they are always like that. They appear all of sudden and then, after some time, they disappear without any warning. They leave for minutes, days, weeks, months, forever. Check the author's notes for more info.
1. Part 1: The child forever gone

It's a kind of experiment. A story about things and people being gone in this way or another.

**Genre:** General/Drama/Angst/Tragedy/Action/a bit of romance in chapter 4 ;)  
**Characters**: Kyuubi, Itachi, Mikoto, Shisui, Sandaime - these will appear for sure, a few more might appear as well (sorry, I'm currently working on chapter 4 and there are like 3 more chapters left, I'm still thinking, okay? XD; ) also some OCs  
**Rating:** T for safety  
**Warnings:** None. No AU. No spoilers. Hopefully no OOCness. The story takes place before the Uchiha massacre. First part takes place before Kyuubi's attack.  
**Summary:** People come and go... they are always like that. They appear in your life all of sudden and then, after some time, they disappear without any warning. They leave for minutes, days, weeks, months, forever. And sometimes they're back, but it still is as if they were gone.  
**I do not own Naruto **

_Italics_ - thoughts  
Recommended song: _Forget me not _by Lucie Silvas. I was listening to the song while writing the first two chapters.

* * *

**G O N E**

**Part I**

_The child forever gone_

* * *

The first is her mother. The girl is only three years old when it happens – old enough to remember, yet too young to really understand. One day her mother kisses her forehead as usual, smiles at her and her eyes sparkle with humour. She raises her hand, ruffles her daughter's hair, making the girl chuckle, and whispers "I'll be back soon". The girl's little arms wrap around the woman's neck, small lips are pressed against her cheek and a few, barely understandable, words of love are whispered into her ear. The woman chuckles and hugs her daughter tightly. Then she stands up, looks at her husband and they leave. As usual. Only that this time is different.

The days pass one by one and the girl is still waiting. Her mother, leaving, promised to come back and she trusts her, she believes in her words, because her mother has always kept her promises.

Then, one day her father is back and she immediately notices that _something_ has changed. _Something is wrong_.

She finds him in the living room. The light is turned off except for one, little lamp standing on the table – its soft light not being enough to lighten the room. He's sitting by the table, still covered with the dirt and his shirt is stained with something. His face is hidden in his hands, the body tensed. She is surprised by what she sees as to her he looks like someone who has just been defeated by someone or something. It's not how he usually behaves and he doesn't even seem to notice that she has entered the room. Then he slowly raises his head and looks at her. His face is pale, _so pale_, and he seems weary and older, and, to her great surprise, his hands are shaking. He glances at her, his eyes red and watery, _and sad and so empty_, but he's avoiding her look, _he doesn't look into her eyes_.

"Your mother will not come back," he says finally.

She stares at him, unable to understand his words, unable to accept them.

"But she promised she would," she reminds him, coming closer and sitting in his laps.

She pouts a bit when her father hugs her, but after a short while she snuggles into him.

"I know she did, princess," her father whispers stroking her hair. "She asked me to say that she was sorry that she couldn't keep the promise."

His cheek is pressed against her forehead and with surprise she realizes it's wet. It's then that something breaks inside of her and the sudden realization comes. Not understanding, because she's still too young to really understand what her father's words are to mean, but simple realization that whatever has happened, her mother will never come back and she'll never see her again.

And then she starts to cry.

"Why?" she sobs with her face buried in her father's shirt, fingers clutching at the fabric. _Is it my fault she won't come back?_

"It's not your fault," her father whispers stroking her hair, but for some reason his voice sounds strangely in her ears. "I'm sorry, princess. I'm so sorry."

The pain she's been feeling overwhelms her. Her father hugs her tightly, repeating these words like a mantra, and some part of her mind notices the fact with surprise. She can't understand why her father keeps saying the words again and again.

That night she can't sleep. In her hand she keeps her mother's shawl. It smells like flowers they grow in her garden, _like her mother, _and brings back memories. She _hears_ her mother's voice and the lullaby she would always sing for her. She recalls her laugh which sounded like tinkling little bells. She closes her eyes and then she _sees_ her. She remembers the long, dark hair and how she helped her mother to comb it. She sees her smiling face and eyes sparkling with humour. She remembers how her mother would ruffle her hair and kiss her goodbye, and then she starts to cry again.

Next morning she stands in front of her father, her face serious and eyes fixed on him. She asks him to teach her to be a kunoichi as good as her mother was. He says no word. He turns back and leaves, but next day, when she wakes up, she finds a set of brand new kunai lying on her desk. The kunai are small, in a size fitting small hands of a child.

With a smile she takes them into her hands and looks at them, her fingers moving lazily on a cold, solid surface of the metal.

Where one kunoichi is gone, the next one is born.

* * *

TBC  
Comments would be greatly appreciated.


	2. Part 2: The world which falls apart

**A/N:** Part of this story is the story already told in **The Shinobis' World**, but written from the other person's point of view. Finally a few more characters from the series appear here.

_italics_ - thoughts  
Recommended song: _Forget me not _by Lucie Silvas. I was listening to the song while writing the first two chapters.

**I do not own Naruto **

* * *

**G O N E**

**Part II**

_The world which falls apart_

* * *

The next is her father. Time passes by, the pain disappears, and memories fade. Yet she still tries to remember as much as she can and that small photography of her mother that she keeps on her desk helps with it a lot.

She trains and trains and trains, trying to keep the promise she made to herself on that night. There are moments when she thinks that her father is not satisfied with the choice she made, but he says nothing. Only sometimes, when he looks at her, his eyes seem to be, _no – they __are, _sad; so sad that it makes her heart hurt. She never knows if he's sad, because with every day she's more and more similar to her mother, or because he still blames himself for her death,_ for letting her die for him. _And every time he leaves for a mission, she feels that stab of dull pain in her chest and she only hopes that he'll come back.

Then comes that day. From the beginning it's different. She can't even remember if the danger has ever been more real than it is in this moment, because now it's almost tangible. She wants to go with her father, fight together with him, but for the first time in ages he forbids her to do so, _he forbids her something._ Instead he tells her to take care of their neighbours' children and protect them if necessary. _And go and hide in the caverns._

It's not what she wants to do, but she obeys him, because there is no time to argue and she is a kunoichi – she knows that sometimes she has to do things she doesn't want to do in fact.

Then for the first time since her mother died, for the first time in six years that has passed, her father smiles for real, with one of these smiles that change a gloomy, dark day into something completely different. He looks at her and she realizes that in fact he's proud of her, _he has always been_. He ruffles her hair and hugs her tightly.

"You're so much like her," he whispers and releases her from the embrace.

"Your mom would be proud of you," he adds after a while, turns back and walks away. He's gone before she has a chance to response, before she can even say something. _Anything_.

She fights back her tears, because it's not the right moment to cry._ Because strong women never cry._ _Because kunoichis never cry_. And she IS a kunoichi and one day she'll be as strong as her mother was. So she turns back as well, takes the hand of one of the children into hers and commands them to go to the caverns.

She goes and behind her back earth shakes. Fire paints the sky, _so blue not so long time ago_, with many shades of red, and although in some way the view is breathtaking, it also scares her a lot, because she knows why the sky is so red. She keeps going and behind her back the beast, _Kyuubi_, roars, and earth shakes again. She keeps going and behind her back men fight and die. She keeps going and behind her back the peaceful world she's known ends.

It doesn't take long to get to the caverns, but in her mind it seems it takes ages. She moves, but she doesn't really register the fact, as her mind is focused on the beast and her father fighting with that beast and with whole her heart she prays he won't die.

In the caverns she sits with the children. She's scared; she can't even remember when she was scared so much last time. _If she was at all_. It takes much effort to stop her hands shaking. It takes much effort to keep a smile on her face. But she does. She tries to comfort the children, hugs them and with a calm, silent voice she assures them that everything will be okay, and that their parents will be back soon. Alive. Yet in her heart she feels stabs of that dull pain and some silent voice whispers that it's all a lie. She wants to cry, but she knows she can't, because if she broke down, the children would break down as well. So she keeps that mask of false calmness on her face and tries to keep the children's minds occupied with something._ Anything. _For all this time she can't stop wondering how it is possible that everybody can be so blind and not to see through that mask of her.

Finally the beast is gone. People come and go, all of them unusually silent, and she feels somewhat relieved when the children's parents finally come, because in the end it appears that she didn't lie to the children after all. Yet time passes, seconds change into minutes,_ long minutes, too long_, and her father is still not coming back.

She knows the truth before the man standing in front of her says anything. He's just standing there, his face pale and tired, _too tired_, his clothes stained with blood, _so much blood_, and his eyes are blank, _empty_. And just like her father a few years ago, he doesn't look into her eyes, not knowing what to say.

_It's not true. It can't be. It's not happening. It's only a dream. I'll wake up and everything will be like it used to be._

"He won't come back," she says despite herself, looking at the men.

It's not a question – it sounds more like a statement. She looks at the man and the man shudders. He hangs his head, whispering some apologies, and in that moment she realizes that this man, just like her father all these years ago, blames himself.

"It's not your fault," she says finally.

The man glances at her, but he says nothing. She doubts that her words helped in anything, because he won't accept forgiveness from others until he's forgiven himself and it won't be easy for him to forgive himself something that he considers his own weakness.

That night and a few next days she spends in a house that is not her and with people who are not her family. She doesn't want it, but they refused to leave her alone after what had happened.

"I don't need that!" she wants to scream, but she doesn't, because she knows they do have good intentions in fact. After all not many people would decide to look after an orphan whose parents weren't even born in the village.

"Why me?" she wants to ask, because there are many that would need such care much more than she does.

The question has never been asked. Instead she makes a decision, and tells them that after the funeral she's coming home. _Her _home. The place where she was born, where she grew flowers with her mother and where on her desk stands a sole photo of a dark-haired kunoichi with strange eyes – greenish, with a brownish edging around the pupils. The eyes which are so similar to these that look at her from the mirror every day.

She tells them it and is surprised that they don't oppose. At least not that much. They only ask if she's sure of it and if she can live on her own. In response she smiles at them with that fake smile that doesn't touch her eyes and assures them she'll be okay. She keeps smiling, although she's more eager to cry in fact, but the people don't seem to notice it, satisfied with what they've been told.

Then, the day of the funeral comes. To her great disappointment it does not bring the relief she expected. She's standing there, looking at pale, sad faces and wonders how many of these people lost somebody on that day. And although there are so many people around her, she's never felt so lonely before, because no one will pat her arm or say a few words of comfort. Instead, she herself pats the arm of a boy standing by her side. The boy who lost both parents and is to leave the village with his aunt tomorrow. The boy who'll never be a shinobi and who'll never forget what happened here.

She looks at him and once again she feels a stab of that dull pain which she knows so well. The boy is crying and there is no one to comfort him. Finally she decides that there are people who need support much more than she does. She puts her hand on the boy's shoulder, but it doesn't seem to help him much, so she leans down and whispers something that only the boy can hear.

"Even strong men need support sometimes," she says. "And it's said that snuggling into somebody helps a lot in such situations."

The boy turns into her direction without any word and wraps his arms around her waist. She ruffles his hair and smiles, letting the boy cry in silence, and she doesn't care that the boy's tears are wetting her shirt. She says nothing, because sometimes words are not needed.

The ceremony is over and she sees two people coming in her direction. She feels how the boy's body tenses, so she strokes his hair again and then let her hand rest on his little shoulder. The boy's arms are still wrapped around her waist, but now he's turning his head a bit, trying to see the men better.

As she expected, once again they ask if she's sure she can live on her own, _alone_, and whether she needs help in anything. With the same smile she's worn on her face for last few days, _with that fake smile,_ she assures them that she'll be alright and that she doesn't need anything right now and if she needs, she'll ask. They smile back at her, believing the lies she has just said, and she thinks that some people are blind and don't even try to see the obvious things, because there is no way she could be okay. Not now, when the only thing she wants is to curl up somewhere and cry, but she's still smiling and they're smiling back. Then they walk away.

After a while the boy also is gone, because his aunt has finally come and she sees him walk away with his hand in the woman's hand.

Once again she is alone, because almost everybody has left this place._ Because almost everybody's gone. _But she doesn't mind. Not this time.

She's standing and looking at the monument on which her father's name was carved not so long time ago, _so short time ago_. Her eyes are moving until she finds her mother's name... and then the pain is back.

"Liars," she whispers.

She regrets the words a while after they were said. Her fists clench and lips are pressed. Then, for the second time in her life, the pain overwhelms her and she lets herself to get lost in the pain.

"You can cry now. Nobody can see you and I won't tell anyone."

The voice belongs to a child and she tosses her head, feeling greatly surprised, because until now she hasn't noticed that she's not alone. Her eyes are still wide open when she looks at the newcomer. She sees a dark-haired child, a boy judging by the clothes, who is maybe three or four years younger than her. Then she looks into his eyes – the deep, dark eyes which aren't eyes of a child, but someone who's much older – and she sees something in them. Something that is hard to describe, hard to notice... Is it sadness? Compassion? Understanding? _Loneliness?_ All of them? None of them? She can't say, but these eyes break the mask she wears. She hides her face in her hand and starts to cry.

She cries voicelessly, letting tears flow down her face and her fingers, and she doesn't care that they're wetting her shirt. She doesn't care that the boy can see her cry, although kunoichis never cry, _at least not when somebody can see them_. She feels his fingers touching her left hand and despite herself she takes this small hand in hers, her fingers clutching a bit on his, and she feels ashamed and sorry, because it must hurt him, but the boy doesn't try to free his hand. Instead he's standing by her side, waiting until she calms down.

It takes a while before she can stop crying and then she looks at the boy, her eyes filled with gratitude and something she can't even name. She smiles through tears and although her face is still stained with them, she doesn't wipe them away.

"Let's pray together for a while, okay?" she says and finally frees the boy's hand.

To her surprise the boy does what she says. He closes his eyes and prays, and after a while she does the same.

Once her prayer is finished, she actually expects the boy not to be there, but when she opens her eyes, he's still standing by her side and looking at her. He turns his head. She looks in the direction she thinks he looks, and then she notices a woman standing nearby. The woman has a pale skin, dark eyes and long, dark hair and without any doubts she's the mother of the boy, because the boy glances at her and then just goes into the woman's direction without any word and stops by her side.

The girl's cheeks turn red when she remembers that she has just been crying,_ and no kunoichi ever cries_, but the woman just smiles at her, eyeing her curiously.

'I'm sorry," she says resting her hand on the boy's shoulder. "My son isn't a very sociable type of person."

_But he was standing there for a while, offering some comfort to a person he had never met before._

The words have never been said, but she can read them in the woman's face.

The woman shakes her head and smiles again.

"We're going in the same direction," she says. "Would you mind if we accompanied you for a little longer?"

"I don't mind," she mumbles looking at the woman and this strange child,_ who is not a child_, wondering how it is possible that the woman knows her, although she doesn't recognize her.

Together they walk slowly in the direction of the village, none of them saying any word for the whole time they are together. Her unexpected companions say good-bye at her house and walk away. She can't help watching them until they're out of her sight. Only then it hits her that she still doesn't know who they are and that she hasn't even thanked them.

She enters the house, looks around, and with surprise she realizes that nothing has changed, although it should.

For a while she walks aimlessly, moving from one room to another. Finally she reaches her own room. To the photo standing on her desk she adds one more. Then she sits down in the chair and looks at the photos.

There is a smiling, dark-haired woman in one of them, and there is a sad, dark-haired man in the other. Her mother and her father. And now both of them are gone.

* * *

TBC  
Did you recognize the characters from the cemetery:) Guess who was there ;) Explanation in the next chapter.  
Comments would be greatly appreciated.


	3. Part 3: Entering the Shinobis' World

_italics_ - thoughts, side comments

**I do not own Naruto**

* * *

**G O N E**

**Part III**

_Entering the Shinobis' World_

* * *

Time passes by – days change into weeks and weeks turn into months. People come, and go and they're always like that. Some of them disappear from her life, and some others appear.

She trains even more that before and it seems that her efforts are appreciated. Maybe she isn't as brilliant as any of the Uchihas (_like Shisui who graduated last year, or Itachi, who is only six years old, but who'll probably graduate soon_), but she has some skills. It's enough to graduate at the age of 10 (_just like Shisui did_) and to be assigned to her genin team.

It's then that the first disappointment comes, because the shinobi's life, _the kunoichi's life_, is not exactly what she thought it would be.

First, there is her team. Her new teammates are two years older than her and her feelings about them are rather mixed.

One of the boys, Tsubaki, has dark eyes and dark hair and his personality seems to be rather gloomy. This first impression appears to be somewhat true in the end. He doesn't care about the teamwork too much and, to her other teammate's horror, he doesn't want to socialize with them at all. Not that she would care much about it, but it seems that her other teammate does. He mumbles something about Tsubaki being as proud as these damn Uchihas, what is taken as an offence apparently, because immediately he's treated with a glare. Said glare is so Uchiha-like in her opinion that she needs to pursue her lips in order to hide a smile.

The other boy, Seiji, has reddish hair and brown eyes and smiles almost all the time. He's also an _overly_ sociable type of a person and a bit too loud for her taste, but he is... likeable, whereas the other boy is not. At least he _tries_ to work in a team, and he doesn't ignore her, _doesn't underestimate her_, as the other boy does. Yet she doesn't like his comments about the Uchiha clan, _about Itachi_, because now she knows who that boy met after the funeral was and she can't forget about it.

Then, there is their teacher, Sayako – a woman in her twenties, with violet eyes, shoulder-length hair in a colour of dirty blond, and a serious face on which a smile hardly ever appears. Her voice is surprisingly sharp and when she talks to them, tells them to say something about themselves and then orders them to go with her, they obey her immediately – even the boy who seems to think that a woman should never be a shinobi.

She doesn't know how they manage to pass the test. Their teamwork doesn't exist, but somehow the woman forces them to do what she wants them to do, and they pass, officially becoming a genin team. Their new teacher smiles at them, but the smile is sad and doesn't touch her eyes at all.

The teacher is good. She knows how to get round Tsubaki's moodiness and force him to work on his taijutsu more, because his ninjutsu is perfect, _perfect for a genin – that's it_. She knows how to deal with Seiji's carelessness and how to convince him to spend more time on studying new techniques. She also shows her how to use a katana and by accident they discover that she has some talent in genjutsu, but that's the only thing that her teacher can't really teach her. She can show her the basics, but the girl has to learn the rest on her own, browsing through scrolls and talking to other genjutsu users.

Sayako also works on improving their relationship as a group. Very often it happens that after the mission they go somewhere (like to a place where dango or ramen are sold) in order to spend some time together and in such a way the bonds are created. At least between her and Seiji, because her other teammate doesn't seem to care about it.

She is reluctant at first. _New bonds might cause new pain in the future_. However, they keep doing things together and with every day that passes she finds out more about the boy. She knows that he doesn't like sweets, thinks that fangirls are scary and that one day he'd like to travel a lot and be as famous as the Legendary Sannins. Yet she still knows nothing about Tsubaki.

And so the days go by and they all somehow co-operate, although they still don't get along.

Then, a few months after the graduation they're given their first important mission. Said mission almost turns into a failure that could lead to the death of at least one of them because of the dark-haired boy, who acts on his own and doesn't seem to care about anyone. When she sees him standing and looking at her with these blank, dark eyes and hears him say that these who get hurt so easily are useless, she only can clench her fists and press her lips into a thin line and glare at him.

_Because it's Tsubaki's fault, not ours, that Seiji got hurt. And it's Tsubaki's fault, not ours, that I almost got killed trying to save Seiji. And it's Tsubaki's fault, not ours, that we barely managed to survive._

That ironic smile she sees on his face makes her even more furious. She feels the blood rushing to her brain, her whole body stiffens. For the first time in her life she allows her anger to take control over her. She punches the black-haired boy in the face so hard that the boy falls down and when he looks at her again, she can see shock on his face, but she doesn't care.

"You'd better learn to appreciate what you have until it's too late," she says through clenched teeth, her eyes flashing with fury. "Otherwise one day you might realize you've lost something important."

She gives him a heavy look and the boy cowers. Then she turns back and goes into Seiji's direction, because he's the one that needs her now. She calms down while examining his wounds, which aren't as bad as they seemed to be at first. The boy gives her a weak smile and she smiles back. Now they can only sit and wait for Sayako and none of them looks at the other teammate.

When their teacher finally joins them, she finds the whole group unexpectedly silent. She's eying them curiously for a while, one eyebrow cocked, but she says nothing in the end. None of them says anything in fact. They come back to the village in silence, she and Sayako supporting injured Seiji and Tsubaki trailing behind them.

Next time they see one another, the arrogant, black-haired boy is gone, but Tsubaki is still with them – it's only his personality that has changed.

Seiji stares at him for a longer while when the boy offers to help him with training some new technique before he finally accepts it.

She almost freaks out when, after having been knocked down (_her fault, she should have paid more attention to what she was doing_), the first thing she sees after opening her eyes is Tsubaki's concerned face. When she hears him ask her if she's alright, for a short while she thinks that maybe she hit her head too hard.

They look blankly at each other for a longer while until the silence becomes awkward. He mumbles something under his breath, something that she can't understand at all, and then he helps her to stand up. When she looks at Seiji, she can see that he is as clueless as she is. Only Sayako doesn't seem to be surprised by this sudden change of Tsubaki's attitude. She says nothing, but her lips curve slightly in a gentle smile and for the first time she seems to be really proud of them.

After the training they go together to get some ramen, _their teacher's treat_. Tsubaki doesn't feel really comfortable just spending time with them, this time for real, and he still seems to have some problems with socializing, _because it's not his character, you know_, but they quickly discover that the boy might be quite an enjoyable companion. For the first time they have good fun together.

The teacher leaves, but they don't feel like coming home yet. Instead they decide to go to see the sunset. They are sitting at the top of a hill, small yet offering a beautiful view, and watch how the setting sun colours the sky in shades of red, and how little by little all these colours change to dark blue. Although the night falls, they're still sitting on the hill, still watching the sky and stars.

She looks at the two boys sitting on her both sides and for a short while she feels a stab of dull pain in her chest, because she knows that this while, this peaceful moment, will not last forever. The quiet voice in her heart whispers again that people always come and go. _And so will these boys one day_. She pulls her legs to her chest, wraps her arms around them, rests the chin on her knees, and for a while she lets herself get lost in these thoughts.

It's a warm, strong hand patting her arm that brings her back to reality. She raises her head only to see Tsubaki looking at her. _Tsubaki, not Seiji, although he has always been the one that cares the most._ It's then that she realizes that the boy must have been watching her for a longer while. He has a concerned look on his face, but he tries to smile at her, and that shy smile works miracles. The anxiety disappears and she smiles back.

The arrogant black-haired boy that used to be her teammate is gone for good, and for the first time in her life she doesn't mind that _someone_ is gone. At least not when it happens in such a way.

* * *

TBC

It's the calm before the storm... From here the drama starts.  
Comments would be greatly appreciated.


	4. Part 4: When the World Changes

_italics_ - thoughts, side comments

**Warnings:** From here Drama and Angst start

**I do not own Naruto**

* * *

**G O N E**

**Part IV**

_When the World Changes..._

* * *

Time passes by and things keep changing.

Sayako smiles more often and now they have a chance to see what her real skills are. They all are impressed by what they've found out and agree that she's the best teacher that they could have.

Tsubaki is still somewhat reserved, but he's a reliable shinobi and a good friend. He smiles more often than he did and, for some reason not quite understandable for Seiji but not for her, people trust him immediately.

Seiji, even though he is now more thoughtful and cautious, still happens to be exactly the same scatter-brained boy he was. He also gets on well with other people immediately.

And she herself... She thinks that she hasn't changed that much, but she wants to believe that she has become stronger – maybe not as strong as her mother, _not yet at least_, but stronger than she used to be.

She spends much time with her team, and the more time they spend together, the more she finds out about her teammates.

Now she knows that Seiji, unlike the most of boys she knows, would never like to be a Hokage.

"Because it would be boring," he explains with a serious look on his face. "And think about that amount of paper work to be done. How can you be a hero if you bury yourself in tons of paper?"

His expression when he says these words is so horrified that his teammates can't help but laugh at him, making him scowl at them.

She also finds out more about Tsubaki. She knows that the boy had a brother who died a few years ago. She finds out that Tsubaki, unlike them, didn't want to be a shinobi, but it was the tradition in his family, so he obeyed. Finally, she realizes that the day after **that** mission and his becoming their teammate, their friend, were his way to apologize for the things he regretted.

Days pass, they train, train and train and become stronger. They are strong enough to pass the chuunin exam, _in flying colours, as their teacher comments on that later_, and finally their teamwork is perfect.

Sayako is proud of them and she doesn't even try to hide it. She's more then glad that even after passing the exam she still can be with them, her students, even though now she's more a leader than a teacher.And they are happy, because they know that they can trust her and that's what make their team even stronger. _Perfect_. Now they are like one body – the boys are the arms, the teacher is their heart and she is the brain.

Time goes by and bonds between all of them strengthen. She always thinks about her team as about her family. The teacher, _now just senpai or simply Sayako_, is like her aunt or her older sister – the one that will advice and comfort her if needed. The boys will always protect her, but they will also respect her, allowing her to make her own choices and respecting them even if not always they can fully approve them. They are like her older brothers. Only that Tsubaki is not.

He makes her feel butterflies in her stomach when she sees him, and when he smiles, her heart starts to beat faster. His presence calms her down and she feels safe around him. She can't even say when the things have changed and when that boy has become so important, _more important than anyone, than anything_. Her bond with Sayako and Seiji is strong, but the bond with Tsubaki is even stronger – for her Tsubaki is special. Sometimes she wonders if the others know about it and if they don't mind. She hopes they don't mind, but even if they did, it wouldn't matter, because there is Tsubaki and that's the only thing that counts.

He knows her dreams and she knows his. She knows that now, after four years that has passed since the team was formed, Tsubaki wants to be a strong shinobi – someone who will always be able to protect these who are important for him. He doesn't care if this wish will make him a Hokage one day, although she thinks that he, unlike her, would make a great Hokage in fact. Despite his seeming reserve he cares about everyone, whereas she thinks about a few people only, protecting the rest, because it's her job. She also knows that he has finally accepted the choice that was made for him by his parents, and that now he doesn't live in the shadow of his older brother anymore, finally realizing that he's never been his replacement and he'll never be. Tsubaki is just Tsubaki and follows his own path.

When one day Tsubaki makes a promise and says that he'll never leave her, she feels a stab of dull pain in her chest again, although she's never felt so happy before. He looks into her eyes and she's sure he knows her thoughts and feelings, and knows about the pain, because he frowns at first and then he smiles. He hugs her, kisses her forehead and calls her silly, with his arm still wrapped around her shoulders and his cheek pressed against her forehead. She hides her face in his shirt and can't help smiling as well, but the pain and bad feelings are still there, and memories of her mother and father are back.

_I'll be back soon._

How long will the words haunt her?

The anxiety remains – it even increases – and it's even worse when they go on a mission, _which was supposed to be easy, but it's not_, and they have to split. Seiji goes with Sayako and she stays with Tsubaki, because they work together better than with anyone else, but she doesn't feel any better or any calmer, because those bad feelings are back. _Even though Tsubaki is with her and his presence has always kept depressing thoughts away._

Suddenly they are attacked and it becomes obvious that the mission is not what it was supposed to be. It's only two of them against four men, but she knows that they still have a chance, even though they're young, _so young_, and chuunins only. At the same time she's fully aware that no matter how strong she'd like to see herself, the fight will be difficult for her, and that every little mistake will cost her life.

Two of the men attack Tsubaki and she needs to deal with the rest. She isn't sure if she should be happy or afraid that two out of the four men decided to fight her. In some way it means that they see her equal or maybe they live in this world long enough to know that appearances might be deceptive.

Shurikens flying in her direction are stopped by her own, and quickly she counterattacks. Shurikens thrown by her are immediately followed by a kunai with an explosive note fastened to it. It's not the move the men expected, so she uses their surprise to her advantage and attacks them directly, with a katana in her hands, as she's always preferred a close distance combat.

One of the men attacks her with a kunai, but his attack is repelled. However, she has no time to enjoy that little victory, because she's attacked by the other man. She curses under her breath, but manages to dodge the attack. Then she's attacked by the first man.

She quickly realizes that they try to separate her from Tsubaki. She doesn't like the situation, but there's nothing she can do about it. She catches a glimpse of her teammate and it seems to her that he's doing well, but that little while of distraction costs her a lot. A kunai cuts her arm and, although the wound isn't deep, it almost makes her drop her katana. She curses, tightens her grip and manages to stop another blow aimed at her heart.

The fight changes into a constant exchange of blows and the things seem to go smoothly for the time being, although she has to put much effort into keeping it all in this way. Definitely, everything is going well... except for one thing. For the first time in a long time she can't keep cool head during the fight. She can't say if it's because of these bad feelings she's got, or if the reason is different. She tries to clear her mind and focus on the fight and in some way she succeeds – at least for a short moment – but then the unwanted thoughts are back and this time she can't keep them away.

She slips and the man she's been fighting with takes the opportunity. The kunai cuts through her vest, leaving a long cut on her ribs. She curses, steps back and slips again, dropping her katana, and for a while she thinks that everything will ends here, because there is no way she could dodge the next attack. She closes her eyes waiting for what is inevitable in her opinion, but... nothing happens. Instead she hears a clank, which suggests that something has stopped the blow. Then she hears a clank again.

"Move!"

A strong hand catches her hand and pulls it, helping her to get to her feet, only to push her away a while after, saving her from getting hit by another kunai.

"Move, for goodness sake!"

The voice is Tsubaki's and she can't believe that he managed to save her. Yet there is no time to ponder, no time to think, as they're attacked again, and she knows that she should not rely on Tsubaki's help – next time he might come too late to save her. Besides, she can't make him worry about her – not now when the cost of every little mistake might be too high in the end.

She says no word and focuses on the fight again. Her katana is still lying on the ground, so for a short while she has to rely on kunai in her hands, but it shouldn't be a problem now, as her determination is back. She pushes away all unnecessary thoughts, and observes the men with whom she's been fighting. Finally she realizes that the men aren't shinobis from any village, but some bandits rather. The way they fight in a group reveals that they lack experience in this area and that's what has saved their, Tsubaki's and her, lives. If the men were well trained shinobis, both of them would have been dead already.

The cuts on her ribs and arm hurt when she moves, but her hands move firmly and the kunai seem to be a part of her arms. For a while all she can do is block the men's blows, but once she's got her katana back, she attacks the men again.

Suddenly a muffled cry can be heard behind her back and one of the men curses. She can't turn back to see what exactly happened, but judging by that reaction Tsubaki has managed to get rid of one of his opponents.

Now it's clear for everyone that the men underestimate them both. Her opponents move back and exchange their looks. She observes them, glad of this short while of rest. Soon one of them attacks her again and the other runs to support their comrade.

She welcomes this change with a sigh of relief, as the fight is easier now, when she can focus on one man only. She keeps observing the man and his moves and, finally, she finds the opening. Her katana cuts through the flash and the man falls.

She can't even enjoy that little victory of her, as she knows that behind her Tsubaki is still fighting the two men. She turns and almost falls because of sudden dizziness. The pain is back and for a short while her vision is somewhat blurry, but quickly it's back to normal.

She looks at Tsubaki and what the view makes her heart stop.

She sees surprise on Tsubaki's face when he slips and then there is that short moment when surprise mixes with fright – it must be then that he realizes that he won't be able to dodge a kunai aimed at his heart. She sees smirks on the men's faces when the kunai pierces through Tsubaki's chest. For some unknown reason it all goes in slow motion – it happens slowly, so slowly that for a short while she almost believes that if she ran now, she'd be able to safe him, but she knows it's too late.

Then she sees Tsubaki falls down, and something breaks inside of her. The sorrow is quickly replaced by anger. Suddenly it's as if the world changed its colour to blood-like red. She tightens her grip and runs toward the men, with katana in her hands. The last thing she notices before everything blurs and turns black is surprise on the men's faces.

When she regains her consciousness, her clothes are stained with blood and there is another deep wound on her arm. _The men are dead_, she notices with some satisfaction which she should be afraid of, but she's not. She's sitting on the ground, holding Tsubaki's body in her arms. The boy is still alive, but she doesn't know what to do to help him. Fortunately, the kunai didn't pierce through his heart, but... she bites her lips seeing how much blood there is on his vest.

She tries to stop the bleeding, but healing has always been her weakness. No matter how much time she would spend on learning healing techniques, none of them has ever worked.

_If only Seiji was here._

Seiji, who is a medic in their team and who at least could try to do something, and not her, the one who's useless and who can do nothing except for pressing her hands to the wound and watching how Tsubaki dies on her.

"Don't... cry..."

Tsubaki raises his hand with some difficulty and brushes her cheek, leaving a blood-red mark on it. She glances at him, looks at his face and once again that dull pain in her chest is back. Tsubaki's eyes say what she has suspected, but what she refuses to accept. The wound is fatal, it was fatal from the beginning, and even Seiji could do nothing about it.

She catches Tsubaki's hand in hers and then presses it to her cheek.

_Don't. Please. Don't. Don't leave me._

She repeats the words in her mind as if they could stop what is inevitable.

_No. Please. Don't let it happen._

"I'm sorry...," the boy smiles at her and that faint smile on his pale face almost breaks her heart. "At least... I was able... to protect..."

"Why...? Why it all had to end in such a way?" she whispers, although she knows there is no answer to this question.

The boy's eyes close. She looks at him for a longer time refusing to accept what has just happened. Tsubaki's hand slips from her hand. She reaches down, as if trying to touch the boy's face, but her hand stops millimetres from his skin.

_No, it's not happening_.

She lets her hands rest on Tsubaki's chest and hangs her head. Her shoulders shake with sobs and tears flow down her cheeks. The pain she feels is almost unbearable.

"TSUBAAAAAAAAKIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

Only one cry escapes her before she falls in a state similar to apathy, still sitting on the ground and cradling Tsubaki's dead body in her arms.

She can't say how long she's been sitting there... for hours or minutes only. It's her sensing familiar chakra signatures which approach them – or rather her – quickly that brings her back to reality. She moves, carefully puts Tsubaki's body on the ground – not that it would make much sense now as the boy is dead, but she doesn't care – and stands up slowly. She winces feeling that her wounds open again.

She takes a few steps before Sayako and Seiji appear.

Seiji glances at her and then his eyes move behind her, to Tsubaki, and she sees how Seiji's face becomes pale. The boy runs, passes her and kneels down by their teammate's side, but she has not enough strength to tell him that it will make no sense as Tsubaki is _not there_. He's gone and nothing can bring him back.

Sayako, with a face as pale as Seiji's, looks at her with her eyes wide open. Unlike Seiji she's known the truth already. She closes her eyes and hangs her head and for a while the girl wonders if her teacher feels as guilty as she does.

Then the world around her blurs and starts to swirl. She totters and falls, but before her body hits the ground, it's caught by a pair of strong arms. She opens her eyes and sees Sayako. The woman's lips are moving, but the sound is muffled and she can't understand the words.

She closes her eyes and when she opens them again, she sees Seiji leaning over her. His face is pale and stained with tears and the boy talks to her, but she can't understand the words. She sees him turn his head and say something to Sayako and whatever it is, it makes Sayako feel somewhat anxious and the girl can see a concern on her face.

Seeing how both of them seem to be worried, she makes a try at smiling at them. She'd like to assure them that everything will be fine and there is no need to be worried about her, but... she fails. She feels tired, so tired that it's even hard to keep her eyes open, so she closes them.

Before everything turns black, one more thought appears.

_Tsubaki is gone for good – this time he won't come back._

* * *

TBC

**A/N:** The chapter might look strange, I admit it. I started to write it over half a year ago and finished writing today. My writing style has changed a bit since then, but at least there is not that much that crazy italicizing here and it won't be back. This chapter definitely is not perfect and I'm sorry for a terrible fighting and death scenes.

As for Tsubaki... I'm sorry if in some mysterious way you managed to like the boy and I made you sad. From the beginning death was Tsubaki's fate. It's the second time ever I have described anyone's death and the first time I've done it in a kinda detailed way. It's a killing experience.

Comments would be greatly appreciated.


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